Friends, I have no been without my family for almost two weeks. And, while I am really enjoying sleeping through the night and having lots of time to read and write, I miss them like the dickens.
To get my Nico fix, I’ve taken to watching old videos of her. Recently I stumbled upon this one, which I can’t remember if I shared with you all or not (because we weren’t sleeping at all then). So here it is:
My memory of those early days of child rearing (I think she’s like five months in that video) was a lot of forced cheer and secret depression, but when I look at the video now I have a hard time accessing that earlier me. I can only think about how freaking cute my daughter is. And then I worry that I’ve turned into one of those mothers.
You know what I mean. The mothers who have no perspective.
But then I remind myself that I would likely be thinking she was so cute how matter no uncute she really was (and as we all know some babies can be very uncute), so then really this is about me and not you. That is, my cute-gushing is not an objective observation (and I know that!) but rather an expression of my growing nostalgia for a time in which I didn’t sleep and was miserable (I know this is making no sense, but bear with me). You see, it’s around this time (Nico’s just turned two) that you (read: me) starts to wonder how the hell it is that this little girl:
Was once this little baby:
And thinking about that is what undoes me, folks. Well, that and that fact that I haven’t talked to a real live human (aka not a Skyped human) in three days. I know this is nothing earth shattering (children grow!) but I can tell you that now I when I see a mother with a newborn(ish) baby my honest to God instinct is to tell her, “Cherish it now! They grow so fast.”
But then I remember how much I wanted to hit the women who told me that when I had a baby and was not sleeping (and felt hopeless about life in general) so I say nothing.
But man do I think it.