Lubbock puts on its charms

Last Sunday we decided to do something family-like and go to the local corn maze (which its owners cleverly spell CORN MAiZE)

Before moving here, I thought corn mazes were something only Iowa did. An early date Marta and I went on was to the famous haunted corn maze about thirty minutes north of Iowa City. We brought my parents and Uncle Bob along because they were in town visiting. And, if I remember correctly, we all held hands and screamed as we ran through the corn, chain-saw man and beheaded woman chasing us.

There are no haunted corn mazes in Lubbock, but they do have a corn maze with annual themes. Past themes have included “God Bless America” and “Hats off to the American Farmer!”  This year’s maze was designed with an image of Dorothy, the Tin Man, The Scarecrow and the Lion because this is the 75th anniversary of the Wizard of Oz.


We got to the corn maze at 1 p.m. on Sunday and discovered that it didn’t open until 2 p.m. But it had taken us a half hour to get there so we decided to stay and eat our packed picnic lunch and wait. The wind was blowing so fiercely (yes, Lubbock really is windy) that we had to eat with one hand holding the tupperware containers down and the other forking some food in our respective mouths. Marta had an especially difficult situation because Nico was a bit freaked out by all the wind and wanted to hold her finger.

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Afterwards we visited the supersize metal rooster:


and the small pins with a massive turkey, goats, sheep, mini cows and pigs. I made the animal noises before each of the respective animal cages but Nico seemed unimpressed. She did like sitting on real hay, though:


Then a woman finally came up and told us we could go through the maze early if we wanted. She warned us that it wasn’t that great because the 50-mile-an-hour winds the day before had all but destroyed it. And she had a point. The corn was all yelling and dried out.

But Nico was content with the landscape and we had little else to do (i.e. it was a Sunday in Lubbock). We decided to try it out. For fun, the woman told us, we could take along any of number of special “quizzes,” which were stored in mailboxes at the entrance of the maze. Each question in a quiz corresponded to a number sign in the maze and, if we got the question right, the quiz sheet would tell us the right direction to go. If we got it wrong it would point us in the wrong direction.

We grabbed the quiz sheets for “The Bible!” “American History!” “The Wizard of Oz!” and “Teamwork!”

Marta very quickly pointed out that, with three possible answers to every question and only two possible options of where to go–right or left–it was pretty easy just to look at the answers and figure out which was the right way to go. Nonetheless, we correctly answered such important questions as “What was the first animal to get off the Ark?” and “Which president declined to take a third term?” and “What is the most important quality of a successful team?”

After about forty-five minutes walking through dried rows of corn, we decided to call it quits. We took a few minutes to watch six-year-olds shoot corn out of a mini pipe gun (“The Corn Cannon”) and then decided to head back into town and find a new coffee shop (this was also something we liked to do in Iowa).

We tried a placed called Oh La La Latte, but it was across the street from a gun pawn shop where guys with batons were doing something that looked violent in the parking lot. Also the reviews for it made no mention of coffee but many mentions of how hot the baristas were. And it was housed in a trailer in the middle of an empty parking lot. We decided Oh La La Latte might not be the right establishment for our lesbian family of three.

Instead we went to a place called “Big Pie,” which had no espresso but did offer a “pie bar.” And then we called it a Lubbock day. Nico was spent. We were wind-blown. And the Lubbock sun was setting. Which is one not-so-bad thing about this place.



*The answers were: 1. Either the raven or the donkey (although I think this question is bogus), 2. George Washington and 3. I don’t remember because it was all in team-speak, which means nothing to me.

5 thoughts on “Lubbock puts on its charms

  1. I remember that haunted corn maze in Iowa — it was the most scared I’ve ever been! Glad Nico didn’t have to survive that. A good reason for moving to Texas, right?


  2. Okay, Bright Lights, Big City it ain’t, but hey look–where am I gonna find a corn maze; btw, best advise Mike not to read this entry, might give him nightmares.


    • It’s true, Bob. You are single-handedly commenting on lesbian b-national motherhood in Lubbock. I forgot, though, that Mom made a comment a few days ago, but I didn’t approve her comment (wasn’t sure if she was trustworthy). Now you’re not alone.


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